Uncle Bobby

My Uncle Bobby was a kind, gentle man, cranky and ornery at times but nonetheless loving and happy when around his sister Madeline and her daughter and her grandchildren. No children of his own, Uncle Bobby led a good life with lots of friends and lots of entertainment.

Sadly, a falling out in 2005 led to his estrangement from his sister. . . no more chocolate chip cookies, no more dinners, no more lazy-boy-chairs, tvs or Tivos . . . no more cleaning apartments . . . all of this ended when they decided to not speak to each other out of stubbornness and anger. One year passes... bypass surgery, leukemia... from an email April 20, 2007:

"

Hi Jenn,

Saw a specialist today. Seems like I do have a form lukiemia. Th started me on chemotherrapy

Sorrry to give you the bad news, but isince you guys are about the only famiilly , I have I thought I You might be intersted in tjiis.

take care, Luv, uncle Bobby"


May 2, 2007

"Hi jenn,

Hope aall ia welll there. Thingx ok here Im' just very weak and haave lost a lot of weight, but IIm sure

all will be ok soon. Say Hi to every one for me.

Love uncle Bobby"

June 6, 2007

"Jenn,

Bad news,

Your grand motheer has lung cancer.

Uncle Bobby"

Those were the last words I saw from Uncle Bobby ---he died 3 weeks ago on January 31, 2008. Soon after the June 6th email I called him, & we spoke. It was hard to understand him. I asked him to email me. He never did. I emailed him, & I got a returned email from his server. . . I should have known something was wrong . . . but I failed to call him... its my own guilt I will have to live with . . . its my own doing . . . I had control . . . I could have called him, but I chose not to. I don't know why.

February 26, 2008
A letter arrives in my mailbox, its from Uncle Bobby's sister Madeline, my grandmother. . . . sharing the news of his death. I called my grandmother. We spoke for 40 minutes. That was both the happiest and saddest time in my life. I was estranged from my grandmother for 2.5 years. . . so her wanting to talk to me was actually wonderful and glorious despite the conversation topic. We talked, we cried, we came to an understanding, we will talk again and that brings me peace. I am very saddened by Uncle Bobby's death but if he knew that this brought me back to my grandmother then he would be ok with that. I don't think he would have chosen to give his life up so that I could have a relationship with her but I know that he maybe relieved to know that we talked.

I miss you Uncle Bobby, I am so sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to "Madge." That hurts my heart knowing how sad you were last summer when you told me you missed your sister so much and cried to me. I am sorry. . . so sorry that you did not speak to her again. I am heartbroken over that. . . and I am so sorry Uncle Bobby that you died with no family around you. No one should have to go that way. I wish you would have called me, I wish you would have had your social worker call your sister or me . . . I wish. . . I wish . . . I wish things had gone differently for you, I wish you could have had a different life and a different way of leaving this life . . . I am heartbroken for you that you and your sister no longer talked to one another. . . now I am heartbroken for her that she lost her brother and was not able to see you and say goodbye.

That is the hardest part Uncle Bobby; knowing that this could have all been prevented had the stubbornness and anger of stupid family politics been put aside. I miss you Uncle Bobby, I miss your emails... I won't forget you... I am so glad to have gotten to know you this late in the game... please look down on me and my family and take care of us . . . protect us and guide us and help us to keep our family together. I don't know what else to say, except I love you. And I hope you are finally pain-free and at peace. Tell G-d he better have the Tivo and Tv up there for you or I am going to be really pissed off when I get there.

Taking a break...

Taking a break from everything! I am going on a retreat this weekend for scrapbookers! I am SO excited. I am counting down the days.

My semester is going by so very fast. It was a tough course load with 13 credits. I had A's in two classes, my clinical nutrition class and my cultural stereotyping class as I lovingly refer to it. . . as for Chemistry and Developmental Psych, well, I still had to take the first tests on those. Last week I got the results back for my first chemistry test and it was not so good. Being constantly stressed out, considering leaving the program altogether I got a reality check one day and called up the local tech college to see what chem class was equivalent to the chem 102 I was taking... and low and behold they had a class... and it was being offered soon, in the summer and at night too!! The heavens opened and chem 105 rained down on me... it was glorious news. I began screaming, yelling jumping for joy with the reality that I can take chem 105 in the summer all by itself at the tech college for 1/3 the cost than at my current university! HALLELUJAH! I was so giddy with excitement and relief that I nearly fell over running to my computer to drop the current chem class. Clickity-clickity-clack went the buttons on the keyboard... log in screen, type password, click academics, click course schedule, pick an action, . . . DROP. . . are you sure you want to drop this course from your schedule? Oh HELL yes, I am DAMN sure. click! Chem 102 will be dropped from your coursework, a grade of "W" will be recorded. " WAHOO!!! I was free! free from the evils of my egotistical professor Dr. Daniel. Free from atoms and molecules and electrons and acid base conjugate pairs. . . at least until the summer.

Having three courses is MUCH MUCH easier on me and my family than the 4... that was insane... everyone was telling me around me that my course load was insane... I finally agreed with them.

I took my first test on Psych last Saturday... WOWIE WOW WOW. . . all essay test, covering 6 chapters, about 40 word definitions and 8 essays on every type of psychological theorist ever known--- plus the entire prenatal development stages, cognitive development, psychological methodologies, psychological dichotomies. . . etc. Very hard to study for...Note to self ---don't wait til the week before to study! I am still awaiting the results of that test.

So that is the school update on me, I've been pretty self consumed by school, I guess that is a good thing. Its kept me on a somewhat reasonable sleeping schedule although its 2:30 right now and I am still awake. But I am heading to bed soon.